i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
