Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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