he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
