If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish my penis had a tongue
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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