With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
