Apparently you make a good broom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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