drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
