how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
