every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
