You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
