I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize