The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
