Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
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After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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