you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
