Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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