its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
