I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
