Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
