Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
