ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
