My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
