nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
