you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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