rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
