I could make wine with my vomit
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
