I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize