I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
