the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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