Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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