we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
