i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
