I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
