So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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