You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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