I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
