Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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