Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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