Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
