Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
