tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
