let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
