I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
