Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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