from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
