Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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