Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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