i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
