There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
