so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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