There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You work out of a Hotel?
Your dad touched me again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
