is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
