yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
