i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
