Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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