Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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