whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
