U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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