Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
