I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
