I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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