she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You are a genius and a whore.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There's even glitter on my cock...
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