Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
