Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
