i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I smell like Dick and happiness
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
