you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
