ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
