In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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