i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
